Monday, December 28, 2015

Festive Must Stop Being a Jewish Word

People love using the word ‘Festive.’ These people in Jerusalem and all over the Jewish map have started using it to describe everything religious. You might as well tell them that this Pesach is going to be Easter. And you will be hiding eggs. Maybe making it more Jewish with chocolate covered eggs. The non-frum Jews are adding ‘festive’ to everything, and it has to stop. ‘It is going to be a festive feast.’ Confetti is now shooting out of my brisket on Friday nights. They festivate to lure the easily lured people who are willing to put on a yarmulke for a free dinner. A ‘Festive Prayer Service.’ I don’t even know if a Christian is that unJewish to put those three words together. You might as well put in the word ‘Lord.’ We do not do ‘Festive Prayer Services to the Lord.’ We daven to H’ (pray to Gd you heretic who needs me to translate into Hebrew). We don’t join in festivities, even if it is a festival. You don’t festivate. We enjoy. We do enjoyful prayer. We do not do a 2 hour service with a speech in the middle. We do not sing. We only sing when there is a rebbe sitting at a table, in front of us, eating. That is known as a Tish, and I have never seen somebody handed a piece of potato kugel out of rebbe’s hand call that ‘festive.’

Monday, December 21, 2015

Fast Day Education & the 10th of Tevet

Fast Day Advice from Rabbi David 
Connecting to Fast Days & The 10th Of Tevet

The 10th Of Tevet?
The 10th of Tevet is upon us, and I for one had no idea what it was about till somebody told me it was a good idea to know about my tradition, and the reasons why I afflict myself. I educated my friend, and told him that suffering itself is religious.
It is important to connect with the sad days, as Jews. Too much happiness leads to expectations. With Chanukah gone, I do not want my nephews and nieces expecting anymore gifts. Ever. That is why I like to constantly remind them of the Temple's destruction.

From what I understand, on the 10th of Tevet, Nevuchadnezar laid siege of Jerusalem, which led to the destruction of the First Temple and the exile to Babylonia. Why does nobody spell Nebuchadnezzar correctly? Was that his real English name? Was his Babylonian name different? Where is Babylonia and why would they name the Talmud after a place that doesn't exist? These are all important questions. But let us focus on our Nevuchadnezar within. I want you to think about that for a minute. What is your Nevuchadnezar?
According to the rabbis, the First Temple was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins of incest, idolatry and murder. It is important to commemorate and connect with the cardinal sins.
It is because of the fact that we still sin, that the Temple has not been rebuilt. Use the day to connect with your sins, thinking about idolatry, murder, and how you violated Shabbat. You and your sins of slanderous speech, and going out and partying late at night and not tithing, are the reasons why Jews are still in exile. Connect with your iniquitous self.
Maybe you haven't sinned enough recently. Think about those who have, and look down on them. That will definitely help you feel more religious.

Hatred Can Be Wrong
With this in mind, we cannot forget the reason for the destruction of the Second Temple. The rabbis tell us that there was a lot of baseless hatred. You cannot hate people without a reason.
Hate for the correct reasons. There are a lot of reasons to hate people which are baseful. People cutting you off inline at the supermarket. People that don't use their blinkers when turning. People that stay in the middle of an intersection without turning. People at synagogue that do not share the armrest. Anybody who chews gum. They will leave it somewhere that is not the garbage. People on the plane that touch the seat in front of them. People who run marathons and ask me to donate money. They should not be running a marathon unless they can afford it. There is a problem if you do not have enough money to run. People who ask how you are and walk away before you answer. People that beep too much. People that give long-winded answers when you do not care. People who sneeze into midair. People who say 'Bless you' to people who sneeze into midair.
These people should be hated. The Temple was not destroyed for hating these people. There are many other reasons for baseful hatred, and we should connect with them on this fast day, where we think of baseless hatred. And let us not forget to be more in touch with the cardinal sins.

OTHER REASONS FOR 10th of TEVET
According to Wikipedia, we commemorate other calamities too, which took place on the Eight and Ninth of Tevet. I am not fasting for three days. Not eating for 9 hours is enough for me.

Other reasons:
On the eight of Tevet, the Bible was ordered to be translated into Greek, known as the Septuagint. We know how big of a failure that was. Nobody even uses that translation nowadays.
I don't even understand the word Septuagint. I even think I pronounce it wrong. It is almost as complicated as pronouncing Nevuchanezar, and spelling it. Ahaseurus is complicated enough. Hebrew is easier to understand than this stuff. And you wonder why nobody speaks Greek nowadays. Is it Greek to you? I believe it is. It is Greek to me.
Translations of the Bible have lead to many people thinking they are knowledgeable and that is very annoying and a cause of much hatred. I cannot decide if that is baseful or baseless. Sometimes it is necessary.

On the ninth of Tevet, the Shulchan Aruch makes it clear that something happened, but we don't know what it was. That was the reason.
I think I am going to leave that to the rabbis to explain.
The fact that we did not have a specific tragedy to commemorate gave us no traditional reason to complain and many Jewish people started bringing up arthritis, diabetes, heart complications. It was the worst day on the Jewish Calendar for all family related. The rabbis had to come up with something, before more illness was created.

Some say Ezra died on this day, but you probably don't live in Israel, so Ezra did not mean much to you. If you learn the Prophets, you will understand this one. Give it a good three years.