Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Pesach: Some Questions I Had at My Family's Seder

Why do none of the kids understand the questions they just asked?
Why do I lean, when I am drinking wine, which stains?
Why does my sister-n-law spend $18,000 a year to send these kids to Jewish day school, when we have to help them sing this simple song, known as the 'Mah Nitshtana'?
Charoset stains too?
Why is my 3 year old nephew still awake?
Why do we not answer any of the questions?
What does a chicken neck have to do with a sacrifice?
Why did they not sacrifice chickens when they are so easy to catch and throw on a truck, in boxes?
You burnt the neck?!
Why do we only dunk twice on this night, when we have all the Israeli salatim on every other night?
Why do we not dunk in Chumus on this night? Does Chumus rise?
What is Kitniyot again?
Why was everybody screaming at all the children to shower, a good eight hours before the holiday started?
Why am I drunk already? It was only one cup of wine?
Why are we drinking on an empty stomach?
Why did I spend twenty minutes cutting up toilet paper before the holiday?
Why is somebody giving another Dvar Torah?
That just has to stop?!
Why don't we talk about the Jews who didn't leave Egypt, or intermarriage?
Why did my aunt tell my niece that if she would have screamed like this in Egypt, she wouldn't have been freed?
Why are all of these random people at our meal?
They never invited us?
Why is my niece still yelling?
Why do we need all of these toys to let us know what the plagues were?
Why do little Styrofoam balls not remind me of hail?
Why does the frog toy not move, when I push on the back?
Since when is food coloring considered blood?
How did I put on eight pounds already? I haven't eaten anything yet?!
Why do I have to move the food to the other side of the table? Can't these people control their eating habits?
Is there any other cut of meat, other than brisket?
Why do all the Jews go to the zoo on Chol Hamoed?
Are there other activities for children to do on Chol Hamoed?
Why do non-Jews not smuggle food into zoos, movie theaters and hockey games?
Why do non-Jewish people wear baseball hats when they travel, when they are already not Jewish?
Why are my nephews still yelling?
Why did the kids just get screamed at for asking questions at the Seder?